You Asked? We Answered. Q&A #1

You asked. We answered. And we were NOT ready for how deep this got.

In our first ever Q&A episode, Joe & Joyce tackle three questions submitted by YOU — and what started as a conversation about words and money turned into one of the most honest, vulnerable episodes we've ever recorded.

In this episode:

• What's the real difference between empathy, compassion and sympathy? (And why does it matter how you show up for people?)
• Money vs love — which one wins? Joe gets unexpectedly emotional answering this one. You'll want to hear what he says about finding the right person.
• "How do I pull a knife out of my back if I can't reach it?" — Possibly the best question we've ever been asked. The answer might change how you think about healing.

No fluff. No agenda. Just real talk.

Think • Question • Connect 🎙️

Got a question for our next Q&A? Drop it in the comments or DM us @unANSWERED100

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Would you rather have $10 million and a husband who is unfaithful and cheats on you? Or would you rather be moderate but have someone who loves you with all their being?

SPEAKER_02 0:13

Are you asking me?

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Welcome to another uh, I'd say a small episode of Unanswered. Wait, what are we going to do?

SPEAKER_03 0:24

It's a QA episode.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

This is a QA episode of Unanswered. Well, what happened is uh you guys are sent us questions, so we want to answer your questions. But before we do that, let me tell you what answer what Unanswered is. We run a podcast where we love to think, question, and connect. And we use it usually use idioms and phrases to answer some of life's biggest questions and uh help you find the answers. And as we as most of you already know, I'm Joe.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

And I'm Joyce.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

You guys all know we love to bridge generations, nations, and stations. And we love to give you a small glimpse into our lives. But before we do any of that, go ahead and hit that subscribe button for us.

SPEAKER_03 1:01

And follow us on your favorite social media platforms. We are on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, X, LinkedIn. Yes, yeah. All of the social media. All of the social media platforms. You can find us under Unanswered100. I can't speak today. Unanswered 100. So, like you said, today is uh this is a special episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Yeah, special one.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

Where we are gonna answer some of your questions.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

So we've actually got questions from you guys. So thank you for sending in those questions. Yes. Um, we are going to answer a few of them, and some of them are not necessarily like straight, um they're not idioms, but they're just questions that people have sent in that they want us to address. So you have questions. Send them in. We'll we'll answer them. We'll try to.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

These questions are in response to our episodes.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Yes, they're definitely in response to the episodes. But I'm I'm saying that the questions themselves aren't idioms or anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

No, no, no, but yes. I mean like you sent us questions, so we have to answer them.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

We have to answer them.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Yes. All right. So the first question. The first question is from Jennifer, Minnesota. Hi, Jennifer. Hi, Jennifer. Thank you so much for supporting our channel and for sending in a question. She asked, What is the difference between empathy, compassion, and sympathy?

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_03 2:22

That's a really good question. Because I think these words are kind of confusing sometimes. We we all we know what they each of them mean, but sometimes we use them interchangeably.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

I was just gonna say that we use them interchangeably. Uh but they're actually different, they have very, very different meanings, they have very different meanings, but I think they start off with the same uh feeling, if I can say that, or emotion that goes into it, right? So they're all associated with the same emotion, but they have very, very different meanings. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

I'm looking up the dictionary definition. You take it.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

So do you want me to tell you what I think? Okay, so so first thing, I think that we're talking about sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Okay, so I've I think that they're once again, all those three are associated with a similar emotion, but that they are three different levels.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

Okay, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:23

And if I put the levels from let's say lowest being the weakest to highest being the strongest, right? Okay. It wouldn't be.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

So it's it's on the same spectrum.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

It's on the same spectrum. Okay. I I think they're probably on the same spectrum. You have sympathy, then you have empathy, and then you have compassion. See, this is the hard part because then I'm gonna explain all this, and then you're gonna read the definition. Do you want me to read the definition first? We'll see how close it is. They may be wrong, though. So sympathy is basically like this emotion where I care for someone. Not well, not I care, but I feel sorry for someone, right? And so that's some element of that care, or it's on that spectrum of care, caring, right? I feel sorry for someone. So, for instance, if I walk by and I saw a homeless person on the street, man, I really feel bad about that, you know. Okay. That's sympathy, right? Okay, so it doesn't, there's no like real deep, deep emotion of involved, but at the same time, you feel like sorry for this individual. That's sympathy, right? Whereas if we go to the next level is empathy. Empathy is you feel sorry for this individual, but at the same time, you're kind of putting yourself in this person's shoes, right? I can understand how you're feeling in this situation, so you're empathizing with the shoes.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

You're putting yourself in their shoes. You're putting into their shoes.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Okay, like actually putting yourself into their shoes, into their situation, and so that's more of empathy, which as you can see, I think is a lot greater than the sympathy. Sympathy, you can still stay far removed. Empathy, you're kind of saying, Wow, I I understand how you feel. Even if you haven't gone through that exact situation, I under you you you you have some simplest of understanding of where they're at, right? But then you get to compassion, and compassion says is the greatest one. And compassion, I think, is you have that care, you have that concern, you empathize with them, but then it moves you to want to do something about the situation. And so the compassion is an action word, it's more of an action word. Now, it you may not necessarily be able to complete the action, but it makes you want to do something in order to fix the situation or to ease the discomfort in whatever way, shape, or form. So sympathy is just like, wow, I feel bad, but you don't want to do anything that you wish you could, but you like you just kind of give up. Empathy is like, man, I know exactly how this person feels. I've I understand, but compassion is like, man, this is the worst. I I I gotta do something. Even if it's just call, if it's just what whatever the action is, it makes you want to do something to relieve the situation.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

Okay. Well, I think that's that's a very good distinction and explanation.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Now let's read the definition and see if I'm no, as you're actually very close.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

Uh sympathy tends to be more distant and pity-oriented, sometimes perceived as less helpful by by those in distress. Empathy adds emotional or cognitive sharing that can lead to personal distress or burnout if unregulated. For example, shared pain activation in brain regions like the interior insula. Compassion integrates elements of empathy with an other oriented motivation to help. Exactly what you said. Often linked to positive affiliation networks in the brain and uh prosocial behavior. It's viewed as more beneficial and actionable in clinical and patient reported studies.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

So I'm no You're a dictionary. I'm no dictionary by any means. And I didn't like study this. Uh, but I I I think just uh from yeah, experience, I guess, uh that that lines up pretty well. I didn't read that groc thing before we did this, so it isn't it's not like we set that up or staged it. But the point being is that yeah, if we understand what those words is, what those words are and what they mean, then I think it will help us to use them better and to react better when uh we come into situations because we'll know which one we need to actually use. Where we're at. Where we're at, right? Because sympathy, uh even when we put it on cards and things like that, you know, like uh we'll know how to we'll know better how to use it. Yes, yes. Uh conversation.

SPEAKER_03 7:37

That's really good.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Hey, thank you. Jennifer, thank you for that question. Hopefully, that answer the question answers the question. If you have another question, uh let us know. Um, and uh hopefully uh I guess I would encourage you guys as you're going out to make sure that um that we don't just stop at sympathy, but that we move into that empathy and compassion wherever we are able, wherever we're capable to.

SPEAKER_03 8:04

So the second question is from Teddy. Ted we actually know Teddy. Oh, yeah, we talked to him the other night. Yes, we we saw him at uh Craving Club. Yes, a restaurant that we frequently visit here in Gizan.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Yes, and he is one of our favorites in Jazan.

SPEAKER_03 8:21

Yeah, he is one of the servers there, and uh he came over to our table and he was like, Hey, uh Joe and Joyce, I have a question. He wants to know how do you balance money and love? Which is more important, he says.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

And he kind of asked the question. We we tried to get more information from him. Um, and when he was explaining it, I think at first he was like saying, you know, which one is more important, money or love? And I was just kind of like, what? Like, which one is more important? And it's like that's such a big question, and it's so in some ways subjective. And I think he's asking it in the context of relationships, relationships buildings, relationship building. Um, he's a single guy but has a girlfriend, yeah. So I think he's asking in that context Yeah, which one should I focus on more? Yes. Like the love or the money aspect. Yes. Right. Yes. And wow, that's a first of all, that's an excellent question. An excellent question.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

I know. Thank you, Teddy. Yeah. There's so many angles. Um first thing that came to mind is that you can't buy love. So money can't buy love. You cannot buy love. So if you find love, and the caveat is true love, right? Like true lasting love, we're talking about like a potential partner for life.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Yeah, money can't buy you love. It can certainly buy you lovers, but it can't buy you love.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

So if you really found a person who you think you could share the rest of your life with, I think that's priceless.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Let me ask another question. This just came to me. Would you rather, would you rather have $10 million and a husband who is unfaithful and cheats on you? Or or wife? Or would you rather have be moderate or even poor, but have someone who loves you with all their like all their being? Which one would you rather have?

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Are you asking me?

SPEAKER_00 10:42

I'm asking. I'm asking you, I'm asking the audience, which one would you rather?

SPEAKER_03 10:46

Um, I would choose the person.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

You choose the person? Yes. Do you think that most people would choose the person or do you think they that's a good question, right?

SPEAKER_03 10:54

It's a good question. I have friends who are happily single. So if you ask them, they'd be like, I'll take the $10 million. Yeah, because I I'm happy. So give me the $10 million. But I'm happily made. I I love a relationship. I love a marriage. So if you ask me that question, I'd be like, no, no, no, keep your keep your money. I I want the relationship.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Because in that situation, it's like uh you don't know what you don't know.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

You don't know what you don't know.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

When you have an experience, it's hard for you to yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:27

What I have right now is great, so I want to keep it.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

I mean, we all are always like saying, hey, we need more money, but many times with more money comes more problems, you know? Yes. And if you have a relationship that's strong, that's downright tight, man, that is one of the best things you could ever have hope for. I was just talking this morning, and we're not gonna get mushy, but I was just talking this morning, remember, and I was like, man, you know, Joyce, you're really my best friend.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

And come on, come on, come on, guys. Come on, keep it coming.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

You're you're really my best friend, and uh like I would not rather talk to anyone else, you know, about my issues, about things that are going on. And I always want to hear about what's going on with you, and I that it's not like that with anyone else. I can I have other friends, I have really, really good friends, but they're not like you. You're you're like my best friend, you're my best travel buddy. You know, if if we travel, I'm like, if I have to travel, let me travel with Joyce. Um, so in that situation, it's like what which would you rather have? And once again, you don't know what you don't know. I would much rather have that loving relationship that's going to be there because it's just it's fantastic.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

So I said it before, like I love my relationship with you, so I would not trade anything for that. But I think for a young person who's not married, right, prioritizing his life. I mean, if you're in in your 20s, you're trying to make it. It's like which one should I be chasing after? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Should I be chasing after the love aspect? Yes, but should I be chasing after the money aspect?

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Especially from an Asian background that is very security focused. It's not really money focused, it's security focused. We wanna we wanna be secure. And um, you know, the traditional definition is you have to own a home and you have to own a car.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Yeah, you know, it's enough space to take care of your parents.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

Yes, yes, yes. It's the Asian dream, right? So um it's once you get old, you gotta take care of the parents. It's changed a little bit over over the years, but it's still very security focused. So um if you're asking, should I invest my effort and my energy into making more money or establishing this lasting relationship, uh, if that is the question, um I think it's it becomes a little bit more complicated. I I would still say if you found someone who's compatible with you, someone who loves you and whom you love dearly and can see yourself with for the rest of your life, that's not that that does not come by easy.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Yeah, it doesn't come easy. It does not. You should take advantage of situations because yes. Um, so we don't yeah, we don't know people's situation, but we don't know people's situation, but just look at all the hurt, look at all the divorce in the world. I mean, there is a the divorce court is its own industry, you know. Like you know, divorce lawyers and all that, the adjudication for that is just wow, it's its own industry. And so, like you said, when you find it, man, you want to hold on to it for with all you can.

SPEAKER_03 14:51

So yeah, exactly. But I'm not saying be poor, like it's it's a very real reality, right? Right? Like, we cannot live without money. So, I mean, you have to do what you have to do. Like, if you have to work X amount of years in order to, you know, uh be able to afford getting married. We we were just talking to our friends in China who's telling us how getting married these days are impossibly expensive.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yeah, oh yeah. Remember, remember? They were talking about the house, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Yeah, especially on the groom side, you have to have so much money stacked up for the parents talking about their kids.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Like, we how are we gonna get our kids?

SPEAKER_03 15:38

And they've been working for uh I don't know, 20, 20 some years and saving so that their one son can get married. And so it's I from that perspective I understand. Um, but it comes with a warning. We'll never have enough money.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

Uh the eyes are always hungry.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

We will when you have you've saved enough for a little apartment, you move in, and then you start like your insides start to itch. Like oh, what what if like oh this place could be bigger?

SPEAKER_00 16:15

I wonder if we should get a house.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

Right, right, like so so take that into account when you're considering your situation because when's enough enough. And in my personal experience, if you're not content with what you have right now, you will never be content.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

If you're not not only if you're not content with what you have now, but I think it's also a security issue as well, as in if you're not secure in who you are, right? Um in what you're composed of, and sure of yourself, right? And then there's always you're looking for something more to come in and fill those gaps.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

It's true. It's true.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

Does that make sense? Yeah. And so if you're always searching, yeah, you're you you'll never fill it. You'll never fill those holes.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

So know yourself and know your partner. Um, and if they truly love you, I say. Yes, add oil and grab them before they look elsewhere. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

That was a lot.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

Because I mean, like, you can always make money.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

You can I always tell you, there's always a way to make money. I think that love is more important, the the one that we really want to focus on because there's always a way to make money. I mean, there's just always a way to make money. I I'm not saying that everybody's gonna be rich, but literally there's always a way to make money. You can open up a lemonade stand.

SPEAKER_03 17:40

You can I mean you gotta feed your family. Yeah. I mean, it's it gets complicated because when once you start having kids, yes, they cost money. So I mean dogs, pets like hopefully this kind of answer to your questions. Uh I actually well we actually um have uh an episode lined up where we we will talk more about this topic. So stay tuned.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Stay tuned. We'll be talking about that soon.

SPEAKER_03 18:14

Well, thank you so much, Teddy. The third question is from at Alexd307Y. Wow. So I assume the name is Alex.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Alex Y. I don't know that computer language, I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_03 18:30

I'll call you Alex. Hi, Alex. So um thank you for writing in. And your question is how can I heal when I can't reach the knife on my back?

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Okay, so this is a response to John John um I said John Wick.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

I for an eye. I49. Yes, yes. You were talking about in that episode, you you were talking about um our wounds are like arrows sticking out of our bodies. And uh so Alex is saying, How can I heal when I can't pluck the knife out from my back?

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Oh, yeah, because I talked about how when you get hurt, it's like you have this wound and it's like this arrow there. And so if anybody comes by and they touch that arrow, you're gonna react. Because it's this wounded arrow. And so there's so many people walking around, they have so many arrows sticking out because they haven't learned how to forgive or how to deal with that to let the actual healing start. And so the goal is to actually get rid of the arrow so that you can get real healing. Now there will be a scar, and this is all speaking metaphorically. There will be a scar, but then when people come and touch that area, you don't react.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Because it's not it is not as painful as it was before. There's a scar because you remember the past, yeah, but it's not pain.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Yes. So what Alex is saying is I think you're asking if I got stabbed in the back.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

Yeah, that the arrow is in your back. The knife is in your back.

SPEAKER_03 20:04

I got stabbed in the back. How do I heal when I can't reach it?

SPEAKER_00 20:08

First of all, the question that you ask is an excellent question. But sometimes that knife is in my back. I I can't reach it on my own. You're absolutely right. And that's when we have to have someone help us, right? So we can't be against having someone help us get those knives and pull them out. And that could be something like counseling, that could be like a friend or a relationship that helps uh in that healing process. Um, it's not just like, oh, I'm gonna get no, it there's a process there. The healing itself is a process. But the first step to getting the healing is realizing that A, there's a problem, that you actually have a knife, and then B saying, well, I need to get the help that I need. But sometimes, like you said, it's so far in there and it's in a place I can't get. So we cannot discount uh counseling and um even mental help help, uh mental health help in some way, shape, or form. We cannot discount that because it can be very, very beneficial, it can be very healing, it can be very instrumental in us becoming more complete people and once again getting those air those areas healed so that we don't react in the same way. Does that does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 21:19

Yes, and I think friends and family play a huge role in our healing, and especially when you're talking about getting stabbed in the back, yeah, being betrayed, being sold out by other people, and usually it hurts the most not by strangers or not by evil people because you expect that from them.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:47

It's most hurtful when you get stabbed in the back by people you actually care about.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

When they're the closest to you, where you walk with them, where you've done life with them. Yes. And I think we all have. Felt that we we've definitely felt that we have uh situations that we've gone through where people have really just stabbed us in the back, and like we had to get over it, and we're never even uh able to walk through the process with those individuals toward reconciliation. No, still to this day, there's no reconciliation. There's no reconciliation, there's not even acknowledgement. No, there's not even acknowledgement.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

That doesn't mean I can't move on.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Yes, what I do is is not determined by what they do. I can only control my own actions and my own steps to healing. I can't control theirs.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

No. And this is what I will say you can heal even without rec reconciliation.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Yes, and that's what the other thing. And then here's the thing, and this just came to me. The tendency is once you do get that knife out of your back, you've been stabbed in the back. And so you're always kind of looking around, but I can't move forward if I'm always like watching my back to see if somebody's gonna stab me. And so there's one way, there's one way that I can protect myself, and that is if I do this. If I'm standing like this, back to back with somebody who's really, really I trust. Because if they have my back and I have their back, then nothing can come in between us. But it has to be somebody I trust. What nobody can stab me on my back at that point. Why? Because they already, they already have my back, and I always have theirs. And so that's why having uh valuable relationships, valuable friendships, ones that you can trust, building those relationships, they're extremely important. We said it before that nobody makes it alone. And we say it again: you can't get there by yourself. You have to have people around you, whether they're mentors, whether they're colleagues, whether but people who you trust and who are going to be your your champions, your cheerleaders, your encouragers, and you be that same thing for them. Once you guys are back to back, when if you're with a team like that, you're un you're unstoppable. Why? Because nobody can get in between you, nobody can get into you to stab your back to stab you in the back like that.

SPEAKER_03 24:05

And other people might have uh uh questions saying, Well, I don't have friends like that, I don't have family like that. And my challenge to you, my encouragement to you is be that person for someone. Yes, because once you start this cycle, these people will find you.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Yes, yes. The reality is this there are people who are actually looking for this, they yearn for this, they may not even be able to verbalize it, but they are yearning for this. So if you start to be that, they will start to gravitate toward you, right? And I'm there's people who desire this. Like they're looking for somebody who's like, man, this is my ride or die. You you understand what I'm saying? Definitely and not not no matter what we do, this person has my back. And when you have people like who encourage you, they're also gonna shoot you straight if you're doing wrong. Those are the best type of people to have Raji and accomplish like many, many good things. Does that make sense? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:08

So thank you for your question, Alex. We hope that answers uh your question. And also, we also hope that you find someone like that in your life who can walk with you and who can have your back.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

And be that encourager, be that encourager, and hopefully you can be that for someone else as well. I think that's it.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

That's it.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

That's all the time. Man, we it kind of went through, we didn't even get through all our questions.

SPEAKER_03 25:32

So I think we got through half of them. Yeah, so maybe we'll do another one.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

As always, we want you to go ahead, turn around in your room three times, take your hand, and hit that subscribe button. I wonder if anyone will actually do it. Okay, but go ahead and hit that subscribe button.

SPEAKER_03 25:52

And then after that, you can follow us on your favorite social media platform, uh, unanswered100 on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, LinkedIn, and on X. I got the the list right finally this.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Yes, exactly. Good job. Good job. So thank you guys for joining us. We love like hearing from you. Make sure you leave us uh comments.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:13

Um, and just yeah, we'd love to hear from you and hear more questions that you have as well.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Yes, you could leave a comment, we read every one of them. I'm so sorry. I actually we've been traveling the last few weeks and for two and a half weeks we actually didn't have internet. So very sorry. Uh I I miss um someone's direct message on LinkedIn. Yes, they asked me to send them a link to our episode. I missed it. I'm so sorry. But we're back and we're in the land of the internet. Yes, and so we shouldn't be missing messages anymore. Thank you again, and we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

See you next time. Ain't nothing not gonna stop us. We can get it, put the yoga at the song.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

We can get it, get it, aye aye.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

Did I forget, or did you?

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I'm sure I've told you what the whip is. You heard me sing that song so many times.

SPEAKER_03 27:24

Yeah, I just didn't know what the whip is.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Don't don't embarrass me at the barbecue. You're like, don't embarrass me at the dim snow.

SPEAKER_03 27:32

Exactly.